Saturday, April 24, 2010

Gini Koch's Zombie Apocalypse

A mutated attack virus meant to cure AIDS is transforming the people of the world into cannibalistic zombies. It is spreading fast and you have to run. You can only bring with you what you can carry. What do you take?

My fully charged and loaded iPod, Blackberry, and Acer Notebook, my flash drive with all my writing on it, my cat, my uncle’s old hunting knife, and my .357 Magnum. The ammo for the .357 will be carried by my dogs, because they’re well trained and hey, if I’m running, they’re running.

The hubs and the chicklet are both big enough to carry stuff and run, too, so I’ll have them handle the food and water. The hubs will also, of course, be carrying at least two of my uncle’s rifles. ‘Cause running isn’t enough when it comes to cannibalistic zombies -- sometimes, you have to lock and load.

Oh, and I’d also carry a copy of “Zombieland” loaded to my computer, because that would become less entertainment and more survival guide in about a New York Minute.

You take cover in an abandoned building on a hill with some other survivors. A herd of zombies are charging up the hill! Choose a weapon to fight them.

Flame thrower, for certain. This being MY zombie experience, the other survivors will, of course, have flame throwers with them, as well as more guns and ammo. When it comes to a zombie apocalypse, I want to hang with the die hard, hard core survivalists, with a more than fully loaded weapons cache, thankyouverymuch.

The zombies are unstoppable! As the only writer in your group, you are asked to record their last stand. Give your account for future generations.

Erm, I can run a lot faster than I can type. So…

Okay, okay, I’ll assume there appears to be no escape.

It was like the Alamo, only there were no horses. Wait, there are horses? They can run even FASTER than I can, and far faster than I can type. Mount up, people, and let’s get a move on. Last one here is zombie chow.

At the last possible moment you think of an outrageous way to escape. What is it?

I think of my novel and ask myself what my heroine would do. I pull out my iPod, turn the volume up to 11, and play random musical selections until I hit on a band whose frequency makes the zombies’ heads explode. (My bet would be for KMFDM to be the winners here, but Motorhead could also be a strong contender, and Screamin’ Steven Tyler and the rest of the bad boys from Aerosmith have saved the day before and certainly could do it again now.)

You reach a stronghold of humans in the mountains. A council of leaders has been elected. Oddly enough it is made up of your five favorite authors. Who’s on the council?

The council is made up of dead authors who have come back to help us fight the good fight. (They were zombies…but they got better.) Therefore, the five wise elders are: Robert Benchley, Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, Arthur Conan Doyle, and O. Henry. (With apologies to Edgar Allan Poe, H.P. Lovecraft, Robert Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, and C.S. Lewis who have to be the backup council members and need to stop sulking about it.)

The other survivors are bored, and they ask about your book. Pitch it to them.

It’s the most awesome book, ever! (Okay, well, you can’t blame a girl for trying…)

Marketing manager Katherine "Kitty" Katt joins forces with gorgeous aliens from Alpha Centauri to protect the Earth, kick evil alien butt, and save the day with hairspray and rock and roll - not necessarily in that order.

Touched by an Alien, Kitty discovers the rumors about Roswell and UFOs are true, but with a twist. The aliens are here to help protect Earth from a parasitic threat and, as an added bonus, they have enhanced abilities. As Kitty becomes involved with the Alpha Centaurions and their mission, she discovers Jeff Martini and Christopher White -- alien cousins who share danger, responsibility and authority. In fact, they’re willing to share anything…other than Kitty.

As Kitty gets deeper into Centaurion Division, she uncovers layers of subterfuge, secrets and lies that threaten all the residents of Earth, human and alien alike. She also realizes there’s more on the line than just saving the day -- in order to save the world, Kitty’s going to have to admit she’s fallen in love.

The council decides to give you the honor of writing the historical account of the zombie apocalypse. As survivors, we are anxious to see your work. Unfortunately it isn’t finished yet but you agree to read us the first sentence! What is it?

Shit went down, man, SHIT WENT DOWN.

Hmmm, that, perhaps, lacks a certain something. Let’s try again.

You know, the toughest thing about a zombie apocalypse isn’t the fact that you have to run for your life or that everyone you know is turning into living snackage; it’s that survivalist-wear is not all that flattering a look if you’re a short girl with curves.

Thanks Gini for playing along!

Gini Koch lives in the American Southwest, works her butt off (sadly, not literally) by day, and writes by night with the rest of the beautiful people, while she listens to a lot of rock 'n' roll, particularly Aerosmith, at all times.

Her interests include seeing how often she can ask, "So, have I told you about this plot twist yet?" of her husband before he goes insane, going to rock concerts with her daughter, and training her pets to 'bring it'. Gini started writing to have an excuse to stay up late playing on the computer while listening to music and mooning over pictures of Steven Tyler and Joe Perry.

Now she's expanded her thinking -- she moons over a wide variety of hunks in order to keep the visual creative juices flowing. So to speak. Find out more about Gini by visiting her

1 comment:

  1. Zombieland is totes informative. Remember, cardio is key.